Wednesday, October 10, 2012

a father's journey

Josh decided to give everyone a glimpse into his journey with our adoption thus far, and at the end is a big announcement!


My Journey,

I remember the day my wife told me she wanted to someday adopt.  I was totally on board.  As a Christian I understand that we are called to care for the widows and the orphans, and what better way to care for an orphan than giving him or her a loving home.  I also remember the first time she said she was ready to get pregnant.  I was like "no way, we've only been married a couple months".  Of course her response was "well I'm ready, so I'm just going to pray that God changes your heart".  I can not express how firmly my feet were planted against this.  One week later I came to her nearly in tears telling her I was ready to try and have a baby.  Two kids later I can tell you God is good, and that I wouldn't replace my boys for anything in the world.  When our youngest is only two months old she then tells me she wants to adopt.  My response was "yes, yes babe.  We are going to adopt.  Once we are done having kids and I'm some rich guy and can afford it we will most definitely adopt."  Then she hit me with the whammy.  "No, I'm ready to adopt now.  And I feel like God is calling me to a  girl with down syndrome out of Eastern Europe."  I love my wife.... a lot..... but who springs that on somebody.  Needless to say I was again firmly planted against this.  I told her that if this was truly God's plan for our life he would need to change my heart.  And again he delivered.  I remember the week I finally gave in.  It had been on my mind for weeks.  I was taking my youth students through the book of Jonah.  For those of you who aren't familiar Jonah was called by God to go to Nineveh to call for repentance of the city before it would be destroyed.  Jonah, like myself, refused.  This is where I learned from Jonah.  This man did everything he could to not go.  Did everything he could to hide and run and escape God's will and God's plan for his life.  When I finished the book of Jonah with my boys I realized what a hypocrite I am.  See, we are called to care for the widows and the orphans.  I've known for years that it was our calling to eventually care for an orphan.  But why not a baby with down syndrome?  Really what it came down to was fear.  Fear of the unknown and the different.  Fear of having an imperfect child.  What I failed to realize is that we are all imperfect, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.  We are all imperfect.  There are so many children out there that will be adopted into loving homes.  These children aren't down syndrome children.  By saying yes I would be taking a child's life and saving it.  I'd be taking a child out of a foster home or institution where they are barely fed or clothed, barely held or rarely smiled at, certainly not loved.  And embracing them as my own, as one of MY children.  So God once again changed my heart.  Broke it more like.  I still held onto the thought that this is a slow process.  These things just take time.  I looked at probably 200 little girls available for adoption over the next two months.  Not a one of them moved the needle for me.  I told God to show me which child was mine.  I remember being at work and Brittany sending me the email with baby girl's photo in it.  My heart was like "oh crap, its her"  My head was like "no, this can't be her.  It is way too soon."  Not to mention she has a heart condition, I'm just not equipped to handle any of this.  So started the fasting and praying.  Britt already knew she was the one.  She knew she was the one the first time she saw her.  Fear took hold of me though.  I again firmly planted my feet in the ground and told her that God would once again have to change my heart and show me the way.  This time it was just not a matter of me saying yes.  This time I had some backing with the lack of financial support.  Let me tell you something.  When God has a plan he makes it happen.  Every single thing that I have been worried about has been taken care of.  The home study, the love offering, the insurance.  I'm sitting at work right now writing this.  I'm going to tell my wife that I know she is ours.  I have never been more scared in my life.  But I know one thing for sure.  I can not, and will not, fight the will of God any longer.  His will is like a river, the closer you get to the middle the stronger the current.  But even hiding on the banks eventually I'll get tired and get pulled down stream.  There is one thing left to do.  Baby girl, I know you are mine, my heart has broken for you since the first time I saw you.  I can not wait to hold you in my arms.  Daddy will be there soon to bring you home, wrap you in a warm blanket, and love you like you never thought possible.  I am sorry I've waited this long, but I promise you won't have to wait much longer.  I love you.


Yep you read right we found our little girl! we cant share her name or photo with you yet. There is still paperwork that needs to be completed but as soon as we can we will be excited and proud to show her off to all you!

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart, Josh! I'm really loving going on this journey (vicariously through FB) with you guys ... I love how God works! (btw, this is Carrie ... but evidently my son has taken over the google account!)

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  2. This was AWESOME. Thank you for sharing, Josh and Brittany. We love you and cannot wait to meet your little girl!

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